id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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