i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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