Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize