I hate all girls vehemently.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
