we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
