i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
