Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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