1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize