You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
