there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
