The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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