I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
