I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
