Cold hands, warm shart.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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