4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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