My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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