I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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