i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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