Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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