did you get engaged???
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
