I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
