wanna go halves on a baby?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
