Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
