I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
