; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
