just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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