she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
