So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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