Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
