a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
