Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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