made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
