nut hugger
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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