Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
