so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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