Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
