I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
