Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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