You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
