I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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