piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We're too hungover to prance.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
