did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
