we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
