I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize