i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
