she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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