hotel room ftw
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
