My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
