i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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