Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
