He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
be right there i have to get my cape
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
