News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
