she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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