You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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