this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
