please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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