I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
