I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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