Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she told me i tasted like america
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
