He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
