if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
