My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
