goodnight i made you a song goodbye
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize