I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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