i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
