grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
