He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize