im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
