I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
