Kiss
Puke
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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