Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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