I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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