Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
