addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize