I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
