I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
