pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
