Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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