have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
