Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
