I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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