she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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