He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
there is glitter all over my balls
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
