she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
