i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize