Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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