who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
