i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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